Thanks for writing this. As a priest in the UK I will think through the items you have raised and see where we where I am could be doing better. All excellent points which might get lost in the hustle and bustle of parish life, especially for a bi-vocational priest like me. There does seem to be more of this kind of weirdness now. I became Orthodox in 1999 and I don't recall anyone being creepy, yes a few marriages occurred but nobody was doing much of the above.
Thank you for this piece, very good points! especially like #6, I remember once (years ago) a young man I was not acquainted with, but sitting at the same table for the church meal/coffee, after the table had finished, stacked the plates, pushed them towards me, and said with a smirk: "ok now, to the kitchen". Apparently it was his technique for testing if a woman would become a good wife. 😅 This sort of behaviour is not salacious, creepy weird, but still super weird, no? And having a rotation of people for the serving, washing up, sweeping after etc, also permits more opportunity for socializing in a normal, non weird way...
OH IT'S SO WEIRD and A PERFECT example of... probably not a BAD dude, but needs someone to tell him that's WEIRD and DON'T DO IT!!!! Or he WILL become a bad dude!!!
I too want to echo the “ That’s weird, don’t be weird” mantra as a great idea. If it can just be a regular thing that people say to each other and start repeating to each other after Father does from the get-go, it would take a lot of pressure and a harshness out of it while still being effective correction.
oh what an incredible point!! We really need to normalize this kind of correction - like, OF COURSE people are going to make mistakes, if we all had more experience with a kind of, "hey man, don't be weird", it shouldn't feel as bad to be corrected and also solve a lot of issues! AND it deputizes everyone into this kind of protection of the space if everyone sees it as their responsibility.
"Don't be weird" is great advice for priests too! My husband and I had a priest ask us when we were going to have kids. We'd been going to this church for a few months and did NOT know this priest well. We said something light like, "Maybe when we can afford it, " and the priest says, "Well, are you trying?". We were living in a literal shack at the time with a combined income of $500/mo and he thinks we should have a kid. Of course he knew nothing of our lives because HE DIDN'T KNOW US but thinks it's appropriate to weigh in on one of the most delicate and fraught decisions a young couple can make - not helpful! And then of course he was our only option for confession because it was the only church for hours in any direction, so that was super awkward and a little creepy.
Thanks for writing this. As a priest in the UK I will think through the items you have raised and see where we where I am could be doing better. All excellent points which might get lost in the hustle and bustle of parish life, especially for a bi-vocational priest like me. There does seem to be more of this kind of weirdness now. I became Orthodox in 1999 and I don't recall anyone being creepy, yes a few marriages occurred but nobody was doing much of the above.
Thank you for this piece, very good points! especially like #6, I remember once (years ago) a young man I was not acquainted with, but sitting at the same table for the church meal/coffee, after the table had finished, stacked the plates, pushed them towards me, and said with a smirk: "ok now, to the kitchen". Apparently it was his technique for testing if a woman would become a good wife. 😅 This sort of behaviour is not salacious, creepy weird, but still super weird, no? And having a rotation of people for the serving, washing up, sweeping after etc, also permits more opportunity for socializing in a normal, non weird way...
OH IT'S SO WEIRD and A PERFECT example of... probably not a BAD dude, but needs someone to tell him that's WEIRD and DON'T DO IT!!!! Or he WILL become a bad dude!!!
I too want to echo the “ That’s weird, don’t be weird” mantra as a great idea. If it can just be a regular thing that people say to each other and start repeating to each other after Father does from the get-go, it would take a lot of pressure and a harshness out of it while still being effective correction.
oh what an incredible point!! We really need to normalize this kind of correction - like, OF COURSE people are going to make mistakes, if we all had more experience with a kind of, "hey man, don't be weird", it shouldn't feel as bad to be corrected and also solve a lot of issues! AND it deputizes everyone into this kind of protection of the space if everyone sees it as their responsibility.
"Don't be weird" is great advice for priests too! My husband and I had a priest ask us when we were going to have kids. We'd been going to this church for a few months and did NOT know this priest well. We said something light like, "Maybe when we can afford it, " and the priest says, "Well, are you trying?". We were living in a literal shack at the time with a combined income of $500/mo and he thinks we should have a kid. Of course he knew nothing of our lives because HE DIDN'T KNOW US but thinks it's appropriate to weigh in on one of the most delicate and fraught decisions a young couple can make - not helpful! And then of course he was our only option for confession because it was the only church for hours in any direction, so that was super awkward and a little creepy.
"Don't be weird" AND "that is an inappropriate question to ask" are WISE WORDS FOR ALL OF US.