The Martyrdom of Marriage REVISITED

For Valentine’s Day, a (slightly edited) look back. I still maintain that marriage shouldn't be that hard. 90% of it is just knowing when the other person needs a cheese stick and a nap.

If you are seeing anyone right now, beware of telling me your relationship woes.

Because chances are, I will tell you to break up with them.

Maybe not the first time. The first time I’ll suggest an open and honest discussion. I’ll suggest that you ask them why they always leave the dishes in the sink, why they told that block-headed and vaguely sexist joke, why they didn’t come to your important work event. I’ll tell you that I’m not THE BEST at relationships, but I know to take a nap and have a snack before you decide to really lose it over something, because everything is a bigger deal when you’re hungry and sleepy. (This is eternally the argument strategy in my marriage - start to get snappy, go to our separate corners, come back and discuss rationally. It works!) I’ll say that therapy is almost never a bad idea (for you, we’re not responsible for the other person).

But eventually…after you have asked and discussed and napped and snacked…the fifth time or thirty-second time you tell …